I struggled with this for a while. I held on to pain and bitterness because it seemed to me if I let go of it, then it meant I was saying what had happened was ok. My offender never said “I’m sorry” for the pain he caused my family. He never sought my forgiveness. And he never expressed remorse. So I held onto my anger. I wore bitterness around my neck like a gold medal.

But then I got tired of carrying that heavy chain around. It was hurting others who didn’t deserve my bitterness. And it was preventing me from living a peaceful life. Peace was what I craved, because chaos had surrounded me for over two decades.

So I decided to forgive.

Finally I realized I could forgive without giving my offender a free pass to hurt me again. I could forgive without inviting him back into my life.

You can do the same. Forgive and let go. Your life will get brighter and your burden will get lighter.

I’ll add this caveat…and it’s a very important one… if someone you love has unintentionally hurt you, give them the chance to redeem themselves. We all mess up, yet when remorse and repentance is sincere, God shows us grace and mercy. We should do the same for those who love us. Humbleness is not weakness. It is strength. My dad was the perfect example of this quality.

“What if they do it again?” you might ask. Then you forgive again, but you move on. “Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on you.”

My son once said, “I forgive him. Because everyone deserves love. Even those that destroy it.” At 19 he understood that forgiveness and relationship are two very different things. It took me a while to grab hold of that wisdom.

Forgive the ones who love you. Give them another chance.

Forgive the ones who don’t love you and leave them to their choices. But you… you keep moving forward with God and the ones who love you.

Zach Williams